CHOOSING FRIENDS - A Vital Decision
CHOOSING
FRIENDS - A Vital Decision
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. “If you hang around 5 confident people, you will be the 6th. If you hang around 5 intelligent people, you will be the 6th.” There is more to the choice of the person you call a friend than mere company, fellowship and chatting. Friends gradually but surely rob off habits and influences on us than we initially bargained for or expected. It is important to know who you are and the person you want to be and choose your friends accordingly, before they choose you. Be careful who you choose as your friends because their bad habits can become your bad habits. On the corollary, you are an influencer. Somebody looks up to you. What are you influencing?
ISSUES:
1. What were some of the attributes Naomi possessed which drew Ruth to her? Ruth 1:8,20-21; 3:1,6,18
“Good attributes are essential for personal growth, relationships, and overall
well-being. By incorporating these attributes, individuals can develop more meaningful, resilient, and fulfilling relationships. Some essential attributes for healthy relationships include: Empathy, Active listening, Honesty, Respect, Communication, Forgiveness, Patience and Supportiveness.
KEY POINTS:
Spiritual Identity is vital
The Word of God is the manual of life
There is great reward and benefits in keeping God’s Word
Godliness is beautiful - makes our lives beautiful/attractive
Prepared for every good work
On top of every situation - God is working behind the scenes
Walk and Work with God - you will always be prepared
Matthew 5:13 Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.
2Timothy 2:21 If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work.
SEARCH:
Compassionate Care
Demonstrating compassion and putting others' needs before our own ensures strong relationships.
Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)
Resilience in Adversity
Developing resilience in tough times can inspire those around us and build trust.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God...
(Romans 8:28)
Wisdom and Guidance
Naomi provides practical advice to Ruth about how to approach Boaz (Ruth 3:1-6).
Offering thoughtful guidance based on experience can lead others to make wise decisions.
Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom: I am understanding; I have strength. (Proverbs 8:14)
Humility and Honesty
Being open and humble in expressing our struggles creates a space for genuine connections.
When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom. (Proverbs 11:2)
Encouragement of Loyalty
Naomi's acceptance of Ruth's loyalty demonstrates the power of encouragement and affirmation in relationships (Ruth 1:16).
Encouraging loyalty and faithfulness can strengthen relationships and establish commitment.
Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. (Proverbs 27:17)
Faith in God's Providence
Trusting in God's plan can help us navigate our challenges and inspire others to do the same.
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)
A Spirit of Generosity and Kindness
Practicing kindness and generosity opens doors for blessings in our lives and the lives of others.
And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. (Galatians 6:9)
“Decisions and choices significantly impact various aspects of life, shaping who we are, our relationships, and our futures. Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you. Every decision, whether big or small, sets off a chain of events with far-reaching consequences. May your choices reflect your hopes not your fears. Thoughtful decision-making, considering long-term consequences, is essential for creating a fulfilling life. By understanding the impact of our choices, we can make informed decisions that align with our values and goals.
KEY POINTS:
Power of choice and decisions - God surrendered it to man
Choices has consequences
From God, back to God - best approach in choices
The matter belongs to you - you are responsible
You are unique and different -
You are a masterpiece - God has special plans
Today shapes the future - It begins today
Today becomes your history - what legacy are you building?
Remember, Spiritual drives and builds the physical
SEARCH:
Importance of Choices
Every choice we make can shape our future. It's crucial to consider the long-term implications of our decisions.
Choose you this day whom ye will serve... (Joshua 24:15)
Faithfulness in Relationships
Being faithful in relationships, whether family or friends, can create lasting bonds and open doors to blessings.
A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17)
Courage to Embrace the Unknown
Sometimes, stepping out of our comfort zone is necessary for growth and new opportunities.
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)
Open Heart to Divine Purpose
Being receptive to God's leading can place us in roles that fulfill His purpose for our lives.
The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.
Surrendering Control
Letting go of the desire to control outcomes allows God to work in our lives in powerful ways.
Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
The Role of Influences
Naomi’s influence on Ruth's decision highlights the importance of surrounding ourselves with people who lead us in the right direction.
Seek out mentors and friends who encourage faith and positive choices in our lives.
Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
(Proverbs 27:17)
Likely Outcomes for Orpah
Missed Opportunities
Sometimes, the easy choice can lead to missed blessings and purposes that God has for us.
For many are called, but few are chosen. (Matthew 22:14)
Return to Familiarity
Familiarity can lure us back to comfort zones that may not align with God’s best for our lives.
No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God. (Luke 9:62)
Potential Separation from Influence
By choosing to part ways with Naomi and Ruth, Orpah potentially lost out on spiritual mentorship and support.
As iron sharpeneth iron, so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
(Proverbs 27:17)
3. Consider these biblical examples of friendship, and write what influence you think each of the people had on their friend. Moses and Aaron — Exodus 17:10-13. Joshua and Caleb — Numbers 14:6-9. David and Jonathan — 1 Samuel 18:3-4. Elijah and Elisha — 2 Kings 2:2,4,6. Paul and Silas — Acts 16:25
“Friendships can have a profoundly positive influence on our lives, from emotional support and personal growth to social connections and long-term benefits. A true friend is the greatest of all blessings. Nurturing meaningful friendships can have a lasting, positive impact on our lives. By nurturing meaningful friendships, we can enhance our overall well-being and live more fulfilling lives.”
KEY POINTS:
Moses and Aaron:
Physical support
Support for spiritual call
Complimenting for what is lacking
Joshua and Caleb:
Unity of faith
Unity of spirit
Unity of purpose
Good report – in the face of visible challenges
David and Jonathan:
Divine love
Unselfish love
Elijah and Elisha:
Mentor and mentee relationship – learning
Builder
Paul and Silas:
Mutual encouragement
Through thick and thin together
Benefits of levels of friendship:
Support
Companionship
Care and concern
Mutual benefits
Discovery of potentials and opportunities
Encouragement
Good representation
SEARCH:
David and Jonathan
Mutual Loyalty:
True friendship involves sacrificial love and standing up for one another.
A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17)
Moses and Aaron:
Support and Encouragement
Influence: Aaron’s presence provided Moses with confidence to fulfill God’s command.
Friends can encourage and empower each other, especially when facing challenging tasks or responsibilities.
Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
(Ecclesiastes 4:9)
Paul and Timothy:
Mentorship and Growth
Influence: Paul’s teachings and example helped Timothy to grow in faith and fulfill his calling.
Mentoring relationships can significantly influence spiritual growth and character development.
The things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also. (2 Timothy 2:2)
“Trust is the glue of life Trustworthy friends maintain confidentiality, are reliable, and honest. Empathy is about finding echoes of another person in yourself Friends with empathy understand and validate your feelings. Surround yourself with people who are better than you Friends with a positive attitude inspire and motivate you. Friendship is the wine of life Shared values and interests strengthen bonds and create meaningful connections. Communication is the lifeblood of relationships. Friendship is a sheltering tree Loyal friends stand by you through life’s challenges.”
KEY POINTS:
Do you know yourself and who you want to be?
Self-Discovery
What is your life’s Purpose – determines choices
What is your Vision – gives direction
Do you have a Mission – a person on a mission is unstoppable
It is when you know who you are or desired to be that you will know what type of friend to look out for
When you look at your friend, do you see what you want to become?
Qualities:
Spiritual partner
Word-knowledge and doer partner
Armour bearer – like David
Good Christian conducts
Disciplined
Not a compromiser
Know and speak the truth – what you need to hear
Consecrated
SEARCH:
Loyalty
A loyal friend stands by you in both good times and bad.
A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17)
Honesty
True friends should speak truthfully and provide constructive feedback.
Identify friends who communicate openly and whose words are trustworthy.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
(Proverbs 27:6)
Encouragement
An encouraging friend supports you in your goals and dreams.
Look for friends who inspire you to grow and pursue your passions.
Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. (Proverbs 11:14)
Compassion
A compassionate friend shows empathy and understanding during difficult times.
Choose friends who care for your well-being and are willing to help you in times of need.
Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. (Romans 12:15)
Faithfulness
Faithful friends remain consistent in their support and care, regardless of circumstances.
Value friends who are steadfast to you and your relationship.
A faithful friend is the medicine of life; and they that fear the Lord shall find him. (Ecclesiasticus 6:16)
Wisdom
Wise friends offer prudent advice and insights that help us make good decisions.
The righteous is more excellent than his neighbour: but the way of the wicked seduceth them. (Proverbs 12:26)
Joyfulness
A joyful friend brings positivity and laughter into your life.
Surround yourself with friends who uplift you with their joy and positivity.
The joy of the Lord is your strength. (Nehemiah 8:10)
Support in Faith
Friends should encourage your spiritual growth and walk with God.
Choose friends who share your faith and can help you grow in your relationship with God.
Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
(Proverbs 27:17)
Forgiveness
A true friend is willing to forgive and move past mistakes.
Seek friends who understand that everyone makes mistakes and are willing to restore the relationship.
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32)
“To maintain meaningful relationships, one must demonstrate friendly behavior, such as kindness, empathy, and support. Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies. Nurturing friendships requires effort and dedication.”
KEY POINTS:
Having a friend is an opportunity
Maintaining a friend is the responsibility
Count the cost and commit to it
The golden rule
Good interpersonal relationship is an investment/asset
Trouble shootings? Check yourself first
Build friendship by living the expectations
Self development and improvement is important
People respond to love – share it, to receive it
Christian conduct builds good characters
SEARCH:
Be Approachable
Create an open and inviting attitude that encourages others to approach you. A friendly smile or warm greeting can yield positive interactions.
Show Genuine Interest
Take the time to ask questions and listen actively to others. This shows that you care about them and value their thoughts and feelings.
Offer Help and Support
Be ready to lend a helping hand or provide support when a friend is in need. This establishes trust and a sense of reliability.
Spend Quality Time Together
Invest time in building relationships through shared activities or experiences, which strengthens bonds and creates lasting memories.
Practice Open Communication
Clearly express your thoughts and feelings with your friends to establish deeper relationships. Encourage open dialogue to avoid misunderstandings.
Be Compassionate and Understanding
Show empathy and understanding towards your friends. Being compassionate helps you connect on a deeper level, showing that you care about their well-being.
Demonstrate Reliability
Keep promises and be consistent in your actions. Being someone others can count on solidifies trust and strengthens friendships.
Show Kindness and Respect
Treat others with courtesy and kindness. Respecting others’ opinions and feelings is fundamental to establishing mutual respect in friendships.
Be Forgiving
Understand that mistakes will happen and be willing to forgive. This attitude ensures an environment of grace and healing in friendships.
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32)
Seek Quality over Quantity
Focus on forming a few deep and meaningful friendships rather than trying to befriend everyone. Depth of connection is more valuable than the number of acquaintances.
“Individuals with similar characteristics, interests, or values tend to congregate and form relationships. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with People tend to form relationships with those who share similar attitudes, values, and interests. We tend to associate with people who are like us.”
KEY POINTS:
Choose your friends before they choose you
Show me your friend and I will tell you who you are
Can two walk together except they agree?
You cannot be attracted to what you don’t like
Inner Desires direct choices
Righteousness attracts Righteousness
(Anything otherwise is temptation and should be avoided)
Wisdom or desire for wisdom attracts to the wise
Your associations have direct impacts on you
Little drops of water make the mighty ocean – little is much
Ungodly influence would take you further than you thought
Check your associates – are they adding value?
All unequally yoked association should be revised
I am a companion of them that fear thee…
SEARCH:
Influence on Character
The people we associate with can shape our attitudes, behaviors, and beliefs. Being around wise individuals encourages us to pursue knowledge and understanding.
Ps 119:63 I am a companion of all them that fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts.
Perception of Values
Our friends often reflect our values and priorities. If we are friends with individuals who have integrity and kindness, others will see those qualities in us too.
Proverbs 22:1: A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches…)
Reputation Development
Our associations can build or tarnish our reputation in the eyes of others. Choosing companions who exhibit good character can enhance how we are perceived by society.
The righteous is more excellent than his neighbour: but the way of the wicked seduceth them. (Proverbs 12:26)
Impact on Decision-Making
Friends influence our decisions, often swaying us toward good choices or poor ones. Surrounding ourselves with wise individuals can lead to better life choices and outcomes.
Social Identity
Our associations can contribute to our social identity. People often categorize us based on the company we keep.
Encouragement or Discouragement
Friends can either motivate us to pursue our goals or discourage us from achieving them. Being around positive influences instills confidence and ambition.
And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works. (Hebrews 10:24)
Liability of Poor Associations
Friends who make unwise choices can lead us down a perilous path, impacting not only our choices but also how we are judged by others.
The Ripple Effect
Our friendships can have a ripple effect not just on our lives but on those around us, affecting families, communities, and even workplaces.
Choosing Wisely
We must be intentional about our friendships, seeking out relationships that align with our values and aspirations. This requires discernment and reflection.
Friends are those who are wise and who strive to encourage the best in one another.
“Research shows that individuals with a strong sense of purpose and direction tend to have better mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. Having clear goals and values can also help us navigate challenges and make decisions that align with our priorities.
KEY POINTS:
The natural man needs help – unregenerated soul
Morality is not enough – there are minus majors
Salvation – spiritual capacity
Spiritual virtues – good characters builder
Christian conducts – integrity enablers
Spiritual standards & guidelines – manual of life
Spiritual foundation – ensures stability
Spiritual vision – keeps you focused
Spiritual mission & goals – positively engaged
If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything
SEARCH:
Foundational Guidance
Establishing godly standards provides a solid foundation for decision-making in friendships, ensuring that our choices align with our values.
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. (Proverbs 1:7)
Healthy Boundaries
Clear standards help us set and maintain healthy boundaries in friendships, protecting us from negative influences and harmful behaviors.
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. (Proverbs 4:23)
Discernment in Friendships
Having clear spiritual goals allows for discernment in choosing friends, ensuring we surround ourselves with those who can uplift rather than detract from our goals.
The righteous is more excellent than his neighbour: but the way of the wicked seduceth them. (Proverbs 12:26)
Resisting Temptation
Strong spiritual standards help us resist peer pressure and temptation that may come from unhealthy friendships.
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
(James 4:7)
Modeling Godly Behavior
When we establish godly standards, we act as examples for our friends, encouraging them to adopt similar values and behavior in their own lives.
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. (Matthew 5:16)
Forging Lifelong Friendships
God-centered friendships often lead to deeper, lasting connections that endure life’s challenges, as they are built on mutual respect and shared beliefs.
A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17)
Ultimately Glorifying God
Pursuing friendships that align with our godly standards and goals ultimately glorifies God, pointing ourselves and others toward His truth and love.
Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.
“Mentors are essential for growth and development. Seniors or mentors can offer valuable life experience, guidance, and wisdom. Peers share similar experiences, challenges, and interests, bringing a sense of belonging and understanding. Younger friends can bring new ideas, energy, and perspectives, helping you stay updated and adaptable. Intergenerational relationships can promote cognitive development, social skills, and emotional well-being. Diverse friendships can broaden your perspectives, increase empathy, and enhance personal growth. Having friendships across different age groups can enrich your life, provide new experiences, and foster personal growth.”
KEY POINTS:
Levels of Friendship:
Horizontal – your seniors and superiors
Vertical – your contemporaries and mates
Subordinate – your juniors or servants, benefactors…
We all need all levels of friendship – complete social health
Don’t underestimate the power of little friendship support
We need obedience to maintain Vertical friendship
We need cooperation to maintain Horizontal friendship
We need humility to maintain subordinate friendship
Don’t be too proud to maintain subordinate friendship
God will use these levels of friendship as at when needed
Rome’s glory was never built in a day – it’s a process
If you want to travel fast, walk alone
If you want to travel far, have a team
Experience earned is better than experience gained
(Best to learn from others)
There are people who are already what you aspire to be
(Your experience is not strange)
There are people who are going through your experience
(You are not alone in it)
There are people looking up to you
(You cannot afford to fail or disappoint them)
Three level Influence:
Mentors: Your seniors, knows the way, walking, showing
Peers: Influencing you positively – if they can do it, you can
Constituency: Your mentees, inspiring and looking up to you
SEARCH:
Importance of Developing Friendships on All Three Levels
Receiving Wisdom and Guidance (Paul)
Establishing a relationship with a mentor like Paul allows us to receive valuable life lessons and spiritual insights based on their experiences.
The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness.
(Proverbs 16:31)
Accountability and Encouragement (Barnabas)
Friends who act like Barnabas can hold us accountable in our faith and encourage us to pursue righteousness, helping us grow and stay focused.
Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
Nurturing New Faith (Timothy)
Mentoring someone like Timothy helps us share our faith and encourages spiritual growth in both ourselves and our mentee.
But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them. (2 Timothy 3:14)
Comprehensive Spiritual Growth
Relationships with a mentor, a peer, and a mentee create a well-rounded support system that addresses various stages of spiritual growth and needs.
As new born babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby.
(1 Peter 2:2)
Learning Through Different Perspectives
Each level of friendship provides different perspectives and insights, enriching our understanding and allowing us to see issues from multiple angles.
In the multitude of counsellors there is safety. (Proverbs 11:14)
Encouraging Accountability Across Generations
Having mentors and mentees a culture of accountability across generations, ensuring that lessons learned are passed on while we all uphold solid standards.
Developing Spiritual Gifts
Relationships with friends on different levels can help us identify and develop our spiritual gifts, as we learn from those who have walked the path before us and teach those who are coming up behind us.
Mind your thoughts and desires because they become your plans, choices, actions and reactions. Mind your choices, actions and reactions because they make who you become and your future. It is better to be alone than to have evil company. “Make friends of God’s children.”
Comments
Post a Comment